I can’t shout
If you drive around Lagos on any given day you will see people gathered, at the centre there will be shouting and arguing, usually because of some minor traffic incident or indiscretion, it doesn’t matter. They just are shouting. This isn’t something I routinely see in any of the other cities I frequent like JoBurg, London or NYC. This is a uniquely Lagosian thing. My wife can, within an instant, bring the wrath of humanity onto someone who whom she feels is trying to cheat her, for what I would consider a minor issue. If it’s involving money (which it usually does — the amount is irrelevant) the decibels are only higher. She constantly tells me I don’t get angry when I am supposed to. My response is always the same. I always tell her I don’t have the emotional capacity to get angry in an instant like she does. It literally is something I am not used to. Her response to me was pertinent. I live in a place where you say, call or email if you want a refund or are not happy with something. The issue is usually resolved to your benefit. In Lagos, if you did the same, it would enter voicemail and that would be it. Nothing would come of it. If you don’t scream at people. NOTHING would get done. NOTHING. Customer service doesn’t really exist here in Lagos. The friction of poor inter-human relations in Lagos creates super combustible situations around every corner. If you don’t shout / scream then people don’t see you as serious. So Lagosians have evolved to be super loud, super aggressive people.
Once, whilst waiting in a queue at my local supermarket, I witnessed a women shouting at the cashier for about 10mins. I couldn’t quite get the gist of the argument but the woman appeared angry because he didn’t have the cash to balance her N30. Yes N30 ($0.17). You would have thought he had done something far more ghastly, far more fitting the tirade he was subjected to. But he didn’t even flinch. He said in Igbo ‘at some point she will stop’. And she did. And simply walked out.
I love Lagos, the unstructured-ness, the hustle (not hiphop hustle, actual hustle), the massive market opportunity it represents for pretty much every and anything. All my local investments have a heavy bias to Lagos first. But the meek will never inherit this land. Here is for the tyrants. At least for now.
As for me, I can’t shout.